By Jean Sherman, Travel Expert

 

This past week, I used some of my precious vacation hours to take a well-earned break from my job at Steve’s Bait Shop and Café. My husband, Dale, and I ventured to the east to Chicago for some adventures in the city. This holiday was full of R&R, as long as that stands for “rage and resentment.”

City-folk just don’t understand what makes life enjoyable. Everywhere we looked there were signs for world-class museums, high-end shopping, and gourmet restaurants. We couldn’t even escape it in our hotel: They kept offering us massages, spa treatments, and access to the hot tub. Look, if you want to really treat me, give me some real entertainment, like some nice line dancing or a Friday night Rick White and the Raggedy Band concert down at the Rotary.

And the people! There were people everywhere and none of them wanted to talk! When I go up the road to Titonka Tea and Tires, I know I can ask ol’ Maureen about her husband Glenn’s bunion while she takes my order. In the city, you can’t even ask your waitress if she’s married without causing a ruckus.

My biggest problem with our trip was the lack of edible food in that God-forsaken urban wasteland. Our first night we went to the restaurant in our hotel. The waiter told us the special of the night was Mahi-Mahi, but all I wanted was fish. Finally we asked him to bring us whatever was most popular there. He brought us an appetizer that he called something like “Eddie-Mommy” and said all the other diners loved it. I looked over at Don and said, “By the stars, he’s trying to feed us soybeans!” So we left right then and there.

Look, folks. Take it from me, Titonka’s resident travel expert. The big city is just too darn big. Leave the “high life” to all the sheeple who don’t know what life really should be. If you want a real vacation, head on over to Waubonsee for the Masonic Lodge’s Friday Night All-You-Can-Eat Fried Walleye.