Upon hearing rumors that everybody hates Blackboard,The Flipside decided to investigate the course management system. Following our inquiry, we determined that Blackboard is one of the greatest websites ever constructed.

Blackboard is chock-full of useful features; their programmers evidently ascribed to the philosophy that more is always better. I can say with absolute confidence that I love using Blackboard’s hundreds of features, even the ones that don’t work on Chrome, in which case I have to run them from Internet Explorer, but that’s okay.

I mean, who wouldn’t want to experience the pure unbridled ecstasy of changing your Blackboard theme from continental green to the slightly more refined eggshell color?

The notifications feature is also top-notch. Blackboard uses a very sophisticated algorithm to determine exactly what to put in the subject of every email it sends me. It’s great, because all I need to do is glance at my phone and see “Daily Notification Dashboard Summary,” “Daily Notification Dashboard Summary,” and of course the less common “Daily Notification Dashboard Summary” to get the peace of mind of knowing that my tuition is definitely paying for something.

If you are like me and love all the features Blackboard offers so much that you want to use the website wherever you are, then the Blackboard mobile app is for you. Not only does the exceedingly small font gives you many opportunities to wear your bifocals, but the app includes literally everything you love from Blackboard (except about half the features) for only $1.99 a year. What? You thought this shit was free? Go back to Russia, ya’ filthy pinko.

Finally, the creators of Blackboard care about our health. It’s no secret that sleep deprivation is the new craze that’s sweeping college campuses across the nation. It’s nice to know that the good folks at Blackboard have decided to fight the good fight against sleep deprivation by giving us a gentle nudge and logging us off the website every midnight. Thanks for caring, Blackboard!

In conclusion, Blackboard truly is the pinnacle of learning management systems. It provides all the features you’ve ever needed in an LMS, and then a few more, and then maybe more after that as well. Because of Blackboard, it has never been easier to blog about 2014WinterSOCIOL_311-0_SEC22Fundamentals of White Guilt II(2014WI_SOCIOL311-0_SEC22), and that’s how I’d like it to stay.