EVANSTON — Faced with the mind-numbing cold of the week of last week, Medill junior Rachel Carnahan was forced to make a difficult decision. Her options were limited: wear that stupid freaking balaclava her mother had purchased for her, or perish in the harsh Evanston cold. Carnahan eventually opted for the balaclava, though still fearing the social backlash that would follow. A well-informed fashionista with her own fashion tumblr, she was aware of the stigma surrounding the garment. However, for once in her damn life, she decided her safety was more important than fashion.

To the shock of all of Evanston, Carnahan was stunning in the balaclava. The lack of a defined neck accented her curves and the complete absence of a face gave way to the alluring mystique of her forehead. Men and women alike dropped books and walked into traffic in a trance-like state induced by seeing the beauty in a balaclava.

“Rachel Carnahan… How do I begin to explain Rachel Carnahan?” mused McCormick sophomore Emma Hadley. “She’s flawless. I hear her balaclava is insured for $10,000. And she does winter coat commercials in Japan. One time she met Apollo Anton Ohno on a ski slope. He told her she was pretty.”

Within two days of the first sighting of Carnahan wearing the formerly absurd headwear, girls all over campus were sporting their very own balaclavas. The newly popular winter accessory has been described as “the best fusion of form and function since Crocs.”