By My Angry Feminist Roommate

UGH. So I’m like excited to be back at school and whatever, but I just feel like Fall is THE MOST heteronormative quarter. Everyone’s all excited for Homecoming and everything, but why isn’t anyone focusing on the fact that Willie HAS to be male? That’s just like, so TYPICAL. I suggested Winnie the Wildcat but everyone just laughed. UGH. Then I raised the issue in “PoliSci 463: The Controversies that Shaped America” and no one even CARED. Those students would never survive in SoHo. My friend Jo (after Josephine Butler, she is SO progressive) moved to NYC and is taking this class at Barnard called “Misogyny and Why Men Suck” and it just sounds eye-opening.

And what even is GameDay? Like a campus-wide game of Risk? Why is everyone so excited about it and why aren’t they more concerned that there are freshmen using the gender-neutral bathrooms in Norris when the gender-specific bathrooms are temporarily closed for cleaning? Like that isn’t just OKAY. I had to wait four minutes on Thursday behind two girls who definitely WERE NOT electing to use the gender-neutral facilities for the sake of solidarity. UGH.

And to top it all off the Evanston Whole Foods has been out of all of the good flavors Siggi’s Non-Fat Icelandic Skyr for THREE DAYS. As if it wasn’t enough that their staff has completely neglected to restock the Green Warrior kale juice in the produce section, they haven’t even tried to replenish their skyr selection. I know because I contacted Siggi’s corporate in NYC (OF COURSE they’re based in SoHo), and their regional distribution manager for the Midwest said he hadn’t received any recent orders from Whole Foods in the northern Chicagoland area. How can they think that only stocking the Coconut 2% milk flavor is sufficient when ANY self-respecting yogini knows that having both coconut water and a second coconut flavored food item at a single meal is entirely too tropical to maintain your chi.

UGH, but like, back to Homecoming. Jo says Barnard doesn’t even HAVE a Homecoming, so why is it just like OKAY for a girl at NU to walk around Fitzerland in a purple tutu and croptop with Kain Colter’s number body-painted on her stomach? Like that is NOT an appropriate manifestation of sex-positive feminism, and I cannot continue to just stand by while the Gender Studies department completely ignores the issue. Plus I’m sure “the paw” is in some way emblematic of white male dominance. Thank GOD I have some of the fresh-pressed Green Warrior kale juice Jo overnighted to me from Whole Foods SoHo to sip on while I blog about it on ilovetofuandmenarepigs.com.