ALLISON HALL — Weinberg sophomore Michael Langlois hasn’t left Allison Hall in more than eleven days now that the building’s dining hall is open on weekends.

Unlike life in the south campus dorm last year, the new operating hours allow residents to stay inside almost indefinitely. Langlois currently holds the record for the longest amount of time spent continuously inside Allison, according to SHARC CSOs and CAs.

“Forget going to the frat quad,” says Langlois. “Allison now has everything you could possibly need, like wallpaper that looks like electrophoresis, a printer with no paper, and doors that don’t prop open.”

Langlois says some of his other favorite things about his new lifestyle are no more hungover Plex brunches, saving money by not buying shampoo, and avoiding most human interaction on a daily basis.

“The person I’ve probably talked to the most the past week is Ellery,” he added. “I mean, now I get to hear ‘Happy Friday’ and well as ‘Happy Saturday.”’

Roommate Timothy Cabrera admits that although having Langlois around all of the time might be unusual, “it could be worse” and he can “still sexile him to the lounge.”

Looking forward, Langlois credits Northwestern’s new online classes as the motivation to continue improving his record. The chemistry major has been taking advantage of courses such as “Baseball and America” as well as “Shakespeare and Film” to continue his degree progress while staying exclusively indoors.

“I’m so glad I decided to live here again,” he said. “I won’t have to step outside once during winter quarter.”

Hinman residents, meanwhile, whose dining hall is now closed on weekends, have been complaining, grumbling, and shielding their eyes from the sun. One sophomore, beginning his second year in the dorm, did find some upside, exclaiming, “I didn’t know we had a lake on campus!”