BAYSIDE HILLS, NY — The 13-year-old winner of the Scripps National Spelling Bee, Arvind Mahankali, celebrated his victory by eating a bowl brimming with knaidlach, a type of dumpling eaten mainly during Passover, and the plural version of the Bee’s winning word.

“I was so happy when I won,” said Mahankali, a cymotrichous¹ boy whose wavy hair has captured the hearts of would-be spellers across the nation. “Knaidel isn’t even that hard a word. Did you know that last year’s winning word wasn’t in the OED? A word like that would have been a real guetapens² for me.”

As the congratulatory confetti fell from the ceiling, Mahankali called for a stromuhr,³ fearing his blood pressure was dropping dangerously. “We had to check. It’s always better to be safe than sorry.”

At 13, Mahankali is no Laodicean.⁴ He plans to use his new fame to influence elections in his area; he will endorse whichever candidate will best improve public education. “It will be their guerdon⁵ for good policy,” explained the precocious speller.

Mahankali’s own guerdon for winning the Bee includes prize money and scholarships. “I’m going to buy a serrefine,”⁶ he said. “I want to be a surgeon, and that small clamp for arteries will be a perfect reminder of my goal. My Scripps win will undoubtedly fulfill me for the rest of my life, but now that I know all the words, I will need something else to keep me busy for the next few decades.”

“I’m not going to let the hours I spent learning the Ursprache⁷ go to waste,” the determined student concluded, his voice lilting with appoggiaturas,⁸ by no means an autochthonous⁹ pococurante,¹⁰ possessing the prospicience¹¹ and demarche¹² to reap success without the use of a succedaneum.¹³

¹ Scripps National Spelling Bee Winning Word, 2011
² Scripps National Spelling Bee Winning Word, 2012
³ Scripps National Spelling Bee Winning Word, 2010
⁴ Scripps National Spelling Bee Winning Word, 2009
⁵ Scripps National Spelling Bee Winning Word, 2008
⁶ Scripps National Spelling Bee Winning Word, 2007
⁷ Scripps National Spelling Bee Winning Word, 2006
⁸ Scripps National Spelling Bee Winning Word, 2005
⁹ Scripps National Spelling Bee Winning Word, 2004
¹⁰ Scripps National Spelling Bee Winning Word, 2003
¹¹ Scripps National Spelling Bee Winning Word, 2002
¹² Scripps National Spelling Bee Winning Word, 2000
¹³ Scripps National Spelling Bee Winning Word, 2001