Hey everyone. Is this tour a snooze fest or what? Who cares about the number of libraries, we’re all just here to party. Am I right guys? Who am I kidding? Of course I’m right! I even let my daughter have a party last weekend because she told me she hated me!

Hey Stace, how fugly is that girl’s handbag? (I call my daughter Stace because, let’s face it, you can’t call your bestie Stacey #ew.) Anyways, I heard there were some cute freshman boys chatting up my daughter and some other girls. We should totally go flirt with them, right Stace?

Say, do you think the tour guides would tell us where the party’s at tonight? I’d totally be down to supply if they’re cool with moms tagging along.

Gosh, I remember my days at college like they were yesterday. I mean they really weren’t that long ago when you think about it. You know what they say, “42 is the new 22 when you throw in a touch of hair dye, some Botox, and a glass of wine.”

God, you kids don’t know how lucky you are to be just starting college. I’m telling you, one moment you’re dancing on top of a table at a fraternity’s formal and then before you know it, it’s nothing but babies throwing up on you and a husband who is afraid to stand up to his own damn mother. Seriously, Stace, cherish it.