EVANSTON — This year marks the 40th anniversary of Norris Student Center at Northwestern University. Though Norris is the undeniable hub for student activity on campus, talk of constructing a younger and more beautiful student center in a more central location has been gaining steam for the past few years.

Even though these rumors reached Norris well before the 40th birthday celebration on January 15, staff members were still able to put on a brave face, saying, “A lot of people might be freaked out about the big 4-0, but we really feel like it’s not even that big a deal. At all. Really.”

When Norris’ spokeswoman Pam Washington was confronted about the possibility of a new student center located farther west, she remained confident that Norris will always be beloved by Northwestern. “Although a sleek, modern, newer building might be more convenient for frat guys and engineers, and probably athletes too, it’s not like the university can just replace us. I mean, what could this new building have that we don’t have? Sure, the exterior might be a little more appealing, but it’s what’s on the inside that counts, right?”

Washington went on to say, “Okay, fine, maybe Norris has been a little out of touch lately, we used to put the ‘Wild’ in ‘Wildcat,’ and now we’re closer to the ‘cat,’ but we can change! Please, give us a chance to prove we’ve still got it.”

After a few minutes of deep breathing and eating a couple pieces of Norris shaped birthday cake, Washington calmed down long enough to make one final comment, “Do you think this new place will have low-cal non-fat fro-yo?”