LIKE, EVANSTON — Freshman Jackie Parker like, really felt a connection with Lambda Lambda Lambda today. She doesn’t know, like, call her crazy, but she could totally see herself being a Tri-Lamb. Don’t get her wrong, like, she loved a few of the others, but she just felt an immediate bond with the girls there. And plus they’re, like, super pretty.

But please don’t ask her about recruitment cause it’s sooo annoying and stressful and she just wants to talk to guys for a change, and is tired of discussing what sorority she wants.

But, like, as she was saying, Jackie is so so happy she got Tri-Lamb in her top three, but is also pretty nervous that Delta and Pi Pi were also there. Like, she felt she had really good conversations at Mu Nu and Gamma Rho and is wondering why they didn’t ask her back. Was it that stupid top? She knows she shouldn’t have let Courtney pick out her top.

If she becomes a Delta, she’s sure she’ll like it, but what are people going to think about her when they see her wearing those letters? It totally doesn’t embody her values. Whatever. She’s just gonna be real lax about it and she’s sure she’ll get Tri-Lamb.

But what if she gets Pi Pi? Her whole life will be ruined. Like, her bridesmaids are gonna be ugly and her babies are totally gonna think she wasn’t popular in college. She doesn’t know, she’s just really nervous and wants it to be over already.