Our campus exploded with debate this week over the “I agree with Markwell” campaign that was chalked across the sidewalks. While I believe that Markwell certainly has some valid points regarding theism and divinity, we must also consider that Fraiche Café’s Cinnamon Bomb cupcakes are delicious.

Perhaps Jesus Christ can lead me to an afterlife of eternal happiness, but each Cinnamon Bomb leads me to spice rack nirvana when it explodes with flavorful holiness in my mouth. And He can only have the second best rebirth of all time, since there’s no way He can beat the feeling of throwing up a Cinnamon Bomb after a night of drinking and getting to taste that pastry Jesus all over again.

Markwell tells me that I should have faith in Him and that it will lead me to a more fulfilling life. Well Marky Mark, how could He ever be more fulfilling than the time I successfully ate five Cinnamon Bombs in five minutes without any water? I called it the Cinnamon Bomb Challenge, and it was divine.

The Holy Trinity of Father, Son, and Holy Ghost seems to be quite something, but it simply cannot compare to the Holy Trinity of Donut-Style Dough, Muffin Shape, and Cinnamon Taste. I plan on painting a fresco in the apse of every church in Evanston depicting this confectionary triumvirate so that it can be remembered for generations.

In the end, my argument is simple. Some pastry chef was willing to risk life and limb to steal Fraiche’s Cinnamon Bomb recipe. So tell me, Markwell, when was the last time someone ever did something that rash in the name of Jesus Christ?