EVANSTON – This list of sure-to-win strategies was compiled from an old book found in the Willard basement.

1. Don’t shower. Who cares what the kids in your classes say? And if your roommate will agree to that too, neither of you will notice the smell after a while.
2. If you absolutely feel the need to shower, do it in another dorm. If you get someone to let you in, be sure to let the water for as long as possible. The prunier your fingers get the better. For the extremely ambitious, turn on the shower first, and then use the toilet. Be sure to flush 3 or 4 times after you’re done.
3. Don’t use your refrigerator. Eating slightly rotten food helps build your immune system.
4. Don’t use your heater. Exposing yourself to the cold winter weather also helps build your immune system.
5. Go visit your friends who live in other dorms and secretly plug in as many appliances as you can.
6. If you live in a dorm with a dining hall, go to a dining hall other than your own and load your plate full of food to bring straight to the garbage.
7. Make sure you brag about winning and how green you can be when you try!