EVANSTON—Registration for Winter Quarter begins this week at Northwestern, and students are absolutely thrilled.

“I hate all my classes!” joyfully exclaimed Weinberg freshman D.J. Grunthel. “I’m tired of them and ready for new classes that I will learn to hate!”

Upperclassmen concur that classes never get any better.

“I’ve had my share of quarters here,” said Medill junior Sarah Shamara. “I can’t remember enjoying any of them. But I am super psyched for a change in my classes! There certainly is some truth to that old saying, ‘Out of the frying pan and into the fire is what in college you shall acquire.’”

In addition to a new round of rigorous courses, students are also happily awaiting subzero temperatures, fierce winds, and an onslaught of ice and snow.

“I love Northwestern so much,” said Communications sophomore Daniel Tho. “I could have gone to school in California or Florida, where classes are easier and I could sleep and have a life, but I am just so happy here. Midwestern weather builds character, and a Northwestern education looks great on your resume.”

Daniel then proceeded to pull out his smartphone and post ten new submissions to fmylife.com.