EVANSTON—In an attempt to promote last week’s issue of the Flipside, three students proceeded to use the tools given to them by Norris Outdoors to create a shelter for those planning to sleep at the Rock overnight.

With a few yards of rope, two large boulders borrowed from the Harris Hall construction site, and all of the equipment provided in a tent’s packaging, the three proceeded to build an improvised lean-to that sophomore Michael Guhin claimed “could only be described as ‘criminally liable’ or ‘more an umbrella than a shelter.'”

Nonetheless, Bear Grylls, star of the Discovery Channel show Man vs. Wild, applauded the three for making the best out of what they had.

“You see here, with the tent clips firmly attached to this rope, which is tightened by tying the rope around several large sedimentary rocks, these young adventurers protected the two lowly freshman with a shelter from rain, as well as provided them with a reasonable amount of living space, and perhaps enough room for a man-made fire pit in the middle,” Grylls rambled. “The Rock happens to be located in perfect territory for snakes, which the two could kill with their bare hands by smashing their head in with large rocks, using the meat for food and the skin as a water container.”

“We honestly couldn’t figure out how to set the tent up, so we did what we could and apologized to the two for our shitty job. But, now that Bear approves, we don’t feel as bad that we left the two freshmen exposed to urinating hobos and boa constrictors,” explained Michael Kanter (Class of 2014).

The guys thought their hardest task would be to defend the Rock from oncoming SAE and APhi Project Scare devotees or ASG members who wanted to design the infamous Rock, but greater difficulty lay in figuring out how to put their tent together. To be fair, it came into the hands of the Flipside without instructions.

“I couldn’t think of any better job these men did in building shelter, I mean, I don’t think I could make anything as close to as safe and secure as this lean-to,” Grylls said.