Dear The Northwestern Flipside,

I’m a freshman, where are the best places to hang out on campus?

Sincerely,

Mitch Skillman

Dear Mitch,

I’m glad you asked, as there are a lot of really cool places where really cool people hang out and do really cool stuff. For instance, there is a popular vampire-themed dance club in the 28th sub-basement of Tech. Don’t worry, it has nothing to do with Twilight, many engineers simply find that long hours in Tech tend to instill a fear of the sun they haven’t seen in years and a taste for the blood of humanities majors.

For those looking for an older, more experienced crowd, Pick-Staiger includes a swingers club which is run in conjunction with the Northshore Retirement Hotel. Also not to be underestimated is the Cliff Diving Club, which meets on the lakefill at 2:00 on Wednesday mornings. While it is true that nothing even slightly resembling a cliff can be seen within miles of the lakefill, it’s certainly entertaining to watch them try.

Finally, for the truly adventurous, the nightly orgies on the roof of Slivka are not to be missed, especially in January. And you wondered why they never go outside.