Ketchup on Toast Making a Comeback Among Recently Divorced Fathers
Experts say that this newfound popularity with recently divorced fathers has been the result of an increase in microwave ramen and Easy-Mac prices across the country.
Category Archives: No. 240
Despite Best Efforts of BLAST, White People Still Can’t Dance
“We tried, we really did,” said BLAST president Anita Quizphe, WCAS ‘18.
Northwestern Ranked #5 for College Dining in Evanston
President Morton Schapiro, recently ranked “best current president of Northwestern,” told Flipside reporters after the dining hall report came out that he was happy to just be in the top ten for once.
Payphone in Norris About to Activate Sleeper Agent
Every single person in Norris today is blissfully ignorant of what they, and all humanity, will soon experience.
Study: Medill Undergraduates Have Lowest Soul-To-Body Ratio on Campus
“Our program strives to instill the values of public relations, media expertise, and heartless cynicism in all undergraduate students.”
Greenpeace Execs Keep 10% of All Whales They Save
“Do they mean, like, 10% of the population of whales? Or like, do they mean they get to keep a flipper or something?”
Northwestern to End Alchemy Program After 124 Years
After a string of recent controversies, Northwestern publicly announced that its infamous alchemy program will end not with a whimper, but with a bang. Citing an increasing number of students suffering chemical burns and various other injuries involving transmutation, Dean of Phrenological Studies and Alchemy Zanzar Pralzaban announced the cessation of the storied program in a press release delivered by three-eyed falcon. “We are sad to say we will go away,” Pralzaban said, reading directly from the release at a
Frat Parties to Now Include Tide Pong
A speed round begins with a 911 call for an ambulance, usually by a bystander or referee. The two players then attempt to sink as many pods as possible before the medical team arrives, with the loser answering the door.
Februaryfest Forced to Cancel Winter Dillo for 17th Straight Year Due to Inclement Weather
“We take great pride in planning the largest student-run outdoor winter music festival in the country, but unfortunately, high winds, single-digit temperatures, and accumulated snow have forced us to cancel all scheduled performances.”